I'm Only Happy When It Rains
by Quisty878
Summary: The war's over, and everything is going well. Squall should be happy, so why isn't he? Songfic. PG for slight language.


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Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FF8, and I do not own the song "I'm only happy when it rains" by Garbage.

**I'm Only Happy when it Rains**

Squall's POV

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The war is over, I have the victory, I have the girl, and I have fame worldwide. Now, everything is peaceful. I can get to living a normal, happy life…maybe even have a family. I have great friends, and a great position in Garden, the top SeeD, any normal person's dream. My life is what so many only dream of.

So, naturally, I should be happy, right?

_I'm only happy when it rains_

_I'm only happy when it's complicated_

_And though I know you can't appreciate it,_

_I'm only happy when it rains_

But I'm not happy. I'm miserable. Why can't I be normal, enjoy this like everyone else? I hate peace, I always have. How ironic, a commander of an army that now tries to keep peace in the world that really just hates when there is no war, no danger.

Why do I like my life being in danger?

_You know I love it when the news is bad,_

_Or why I feel so good but feel so sad…_

_I'm only happy when it rains_

Misery…that's what I like. People always thought I was some depressed social outcast, that I was always miserable. But I never was miserable. I mean, yeah, it hurt to be alone, but I always kind of liked it. I liked the pain. Now that it's gone, my life feels meaningless and empty.

I want to have some problems, to be depressed. I want to feel the pain again, every day. Why? Why do I like that feeling? Why do I like not wanting to live?

_Pour your misery down _

_Pour your misery down on me_

_Pour your misery down_

_Pour your misery down on me_

I know the others sense it. They know something must be wrong. They try to get me to talk. Yeah, right. If I told them the truth, they'd think I was nuts.

So would she. Rinoa's already mad that I start fights between us so much. It's always for no reason. I just choose something to be mad about. I like the tension. I don't like that she's hurt, but I like that I am.

_I'm only happy when it rains_

_I feel good when things are going wrong_

_I only listen to the sad, sad songs_

_I'm only happy when it rains_

Another night, alone. Why can't it be a bad kind of alone?

Everyone else went out to have fun. They wanted to celebrate. The war's been over for awhile now. Why are we still celebrating? Why hasn't anything else gone wrong? This isn't supposed to be a peaceful world!

_I only smile in the dark_

_My only comfort is the night gone black_

_I didn't accidentally tell you that_

_I'm only happy when it rains_

Nobody else knows the habit I have. The dirty little secret, the reason I hardly go out. Amazing that they have no idea, even though it's been going on for years now. She doesn't even know. She can't ever smell the alcohol on my breath, never sees that I'm rarely even coherent. True, she isn't around when I do it, but I'd think she'd suspect it by now. I mean, I always get up feeling awful, my room is full of alcohol, constant headaches…how is this not visible?

_You'll get the message by the time I'm through_

_When I complain about me and you_

_I'm only happy when it rains_

It's my problem. I like that it is a problem. I like having it. It is my misery, my suffering, my anchor to sanity. I don't even care anymore. I don't do it to get rid of pain, like most people. I do it because it makes me feel awful, and I like to feel awful.

_Pour your misery down_

_(Pour your misery down)_

_Pour your misery down on me_

_(Pour your misery down)_

_Pour your misery down_

_(Pour your misery down)_

_Pour your misery down on me_

_(Pour your misery down)_

_Pour your misery down_

_(Pour your misery down)_

_Pour your misery down on me _

_(Pour your misery down)_

_Pour your misery down_

Crap, someone's here. I'm half drunk, sitting with a bottle of vodka in my hands. It's her, I know it. I have to hide this. Otherwise, she'll want to help me.

_You can keep me company_

_As long as you don't care_

I get it out of sight in time, thankfully. Now, I just have to try and act normal.

"Squall?" She asks quietly.

"I'm right here." I answer, a little angrily.

She comes in and sits next to me. "Sorry. I know you don't like to be bothered at this time…I just…"

Here we go. Something's wrong. It's about damn time.

_I'm only happy when it rains_

_You'll want to hear about my new obsession_

_I'm riding high upon a deep depression_

_I'm only happy when it rains _

_(Pour some misery down on me)_

"What?" I ask, trying to get her to say it.

She sighs heavily, miserably. "I can't go out with them anymore. I hate how fake everyone is."

Fake? This is new. "What are you talking about?"

"They only treat me well because they're scared of me, like everyone else. Come on, Squall. I know you see it. They weren't nice to me until after I had these stupid powers. Now, I can always see that they hate me being around. I don't feel like I belong here, like I should even be alive."

I shake my head, trying to think, even though the world is spinning. But she is right, I know that. "I…think, I see what you mean."

She nods and looks up at me. "Squall, are you okay?"

"Huh?"

"You look weird, and you're acting strange. Like you're really dizzy or confused or something. Are you alright?"

_I'm only happy when it rains_

_(Pour some misery down on me)_

_I'm only happy when it rains _

_(Pour some misery down on me)_

_I'm only happy when it rains_

_(Pour some misery down on me)_

_I'm only happy when it rains_

_(Pour some misery down on me)_

"Oh…um, I'm just…a lil tired. S'all." I say, inwardly wincing at the way I sound.

She looks like she's skeptical. "Come on, Squall. What's wrong? You can talk to me, really. Why is this so hard for you to do? We've been together long enough."

My mind scrambles for an excuse, as she lays her head on my shoulder.

Her eyebrows furrow. "You've been drinking."

"What? You think…"

"You smell like it, again. How often do you do this?" she asks.

"Crap, I thought you didn't know." I say, without realizing that my thoughts are coming out as words.

She sits up. "I knew it."

My eyes widen, "Did I say that out loud?"

She nods and sighs. "Why do you have to do this? Things are supposed to be happy."

_(Pour some misery down on me)_

_(Pour some misery down on me)_

_(Pour some misery down on me)_

_I'm only happy when it rains_

_(Pour some misery down on me)_

_(Pour some misery down on me)_

_(Pour some misery down on me)_

"No, things shouldn't be happy. I'm tired of everyone being happy. I hate being happy."

She looks at me and cocks her eyebrow. "You hate being happy?"

"I don't like it when things are peaceful. I don't like the calm. I want to have problems, I want to be miserable."

She laughs a little. "That's it? That's the reason for all these fights, isn't it? Squall, you don't get it, do you?"

Get it? Is she trying to make fun of me or something? What the hell?

"Squall, it is always going to be bad. We're against the whole world. Everyone hates me. You command an army that is supposed to kill me."

"That isn't going to happen."

"You know that's a lie. No matter what you do, they're going to come for me eventually."

I nod a little.

"We have a lot of problems." She says. "I hate even living here. I wish we could run away. This whole Garden is fake, and I know you hate your job."

Run? Maybe she's right. We can run.

As we ride the train to Centra, she lays her head on me and sleeps. I can only smile. I'm happy now.

It isn't ever going to be peaceful.

A/N: Finally, a break from my AP Chem. homework. I hope this was good. I'm amazed nobody has ever used the song.


End file.
